I am sorry.

Blessed with the ability to write and deeply express.
I touch with words.
This is me.
So here goes.

poet at heart

Today, I’ve got used to saying I am sorry.
Not just to say either.
And, sorry for who I am?
Psshh, absolutely not.
Not that either.

Once a person who refused to say those three little comforting words
(not “I love you” btw),
have become something I’ve uncomfortably got comfortable with.

popn’ cherries

You see,
popn’ your cherry is much more than fitness,
dance,
physical traits,
or external experiences.
It’s also growing who you are inside.
It’s internal.
Habits.
Life.
🪴

You should never be sorry for the person that you are.
Rather,
apologize for actions that cause others pain, question, or sadness.
You don’t know what you don’t know.
And part of life is learning from them.
Move on.

life lessons

(Side note: I have a strong opinion about not learning from mistakes.
And I believe consequences are warranted.
It’s your bad if you don’t learn from it.
Me included.
Eh, love or hate me for it.)

truth

Sometimes it takes the strongest jolt
to instill positive change
and learn the lessons of a lifetime.
And acceptance is part of it.

Part of the reason why I passionately go out there
popn’ cherries in the world,
try new things or life experiences
is because
once you stop learning, you stop growing.
And if you are OK with that,
well, that’s OK too.
No hate.
Cheers to you and wish you well.
Just ain’t my thing.

i am sorry

Back to apologizing.

Over the years,
I’ve begun to master fearlessly
trying new physical experiences
and maintaining a zen-like state
even when the outcome is unknown.

What gets me through:
1) Learning something new about the experience.
2) Learning a lot about myself.
3) Living life fully.

so, I look forward to the journey’s messiness.

Now, looking inward?
Vulnerability?
Wear my heart on my sleeve?
Love?
Saying sorry?
Allowing people to see anything more than a bad ass, hard exterior?
Beyond jokes and goofing around?
Well, that’s a whole different ball game.
I have spent my whole life
learning to perfect building a protective wall.
Allowing some in,
but most out.
Or in just enough to feel safe.
To control this kind of unknown.

30’s have been the hardest lessons of life so far.
Yet, I still welcome it.
It is a process meant to be gone through.
To grow from.
An opportunity to be a better person.

i felt empty.

And no number of new experiences, accolades, or achievements filled it.

Honesty,
love,
and accepting things as they are today
allow me to feel more alive
than any physical experience I’ve ever popped.
Forming genuine relationships
and allowing people to see who I am–
–that delicate softness I’ve spent my life protecting.

What I’ve learned through this new venture
is truly engaging in conversations,
making real connections,
relating,
enjoying presence,
putting down the phone,
listening to others’ personal stories,
and admitting when I’m not always OK.
That I’m not always a positive light or a ray of sunshine and rainbows.
That storms affect me.
And others.

real strength is showing you are human. vulnerability.

What gets me through:
1) Learning something new about the experience.
2) Learning a lot about myself.
3) Living life fully.

so, I look forward to the journey’s messiness.

Did you notice?

Opening up
is EXACTLY the same risk
as trying something new physically.
You’re bound to get hurt.
You’re bound to experience greatness.

a long overdue apology.

I am sorry.

My daughter.
To those times when the stresses of single mama’ing took over
and keeping calm under pressure was lost.

My ex-husband.
For having a temper,
lashing out,
and behaving poorly when it was undeserved.

My mother.
Bearing an array of unpredictable mood swings.
Good and bad.

My family, friends, and expired romantic relationships.
For not giving 100 of me.

To all.
For thinking it’s OK to behave as I do,
a sense of entitlement,
and expecting to love me unconditionally
no matter what.

To myself.
For loving others far more than loving myself.

A lot of me is unhealed.
But I have found liberation through raw honesty.
Leading with softness.
Letting those walls come down.
Appreciating all the good things around me.
Accepting the light and dark that make up the person I am today.
Remember.
You still can have a tenacious work ethic,
a hard exterior,
yet still have a gentle, open heart.

OK, so we’re here.
Now, do you really give a crap about what I am going through?
Probably not.
Do you connect on some level
or resonate to anything I shared?
Maybe.

i write to heal.

If it connects with you in some way,
well,
that’s the cherry on top.
You are not alone in this world.
And I’m comforted in knowing
that neither am I.

Thank you for reading this.

Authentically and unapologetically,
Kim