popn' cherries

PURPOSE – THE WHY

Worthy

I am worthy.

Why did I pursue the bikini fitness competition?

Growing up with four other siblings, two brothers and two sisters, it’s easy to get lost in the mix. We all had our something special about us that differentiated us from each other. There was the smart one, the strong one, the social funny one, the miracle one, and then there was me – the odd one.

We all had a little competitiveness in us, but I took it to the extreme. My sister and I are very close in age at a year apart. Often, we get mistaken for twins, no matter how blonde I get.

We rarely talk about it, but our family suffered a sibling loss a long, long time ago…before my two other siblings and I were born. When my sister was born, she resembled so much like the sibling that we lost that it felt like a miracle. Truly a blessing.

What does this have to do with the bikini competition? The truth behind my drive.

I love my family. I love my sister and the special twin-like vibe that we share. I wouldn’t trade my relationship or the life experience for anything in the world.

With that said, here’s a little about my truth.

Growing up, my twin-like sister and I were constantly compared to each other. We were so envious of each other that we both had to receive gifts even when it was the other’s birthday! Naturally, we were competitive and certainly had sister rivalry. Today, the relationship we have is closer than ever. She truly is special. Whether true or not, I always felt she one upped me. Prettier. Smarter. Softer. Loveable. Talented. Better.

I tended to go against the grain, went through dark periods, challenged a lot, rebelled, fought, didn’t believe in love, and often chose pathways that were opposite. To sum up, she was light, and I was dark the side. And although I didn’t want to believe or admit it then, I felt my sis received preferential treatment because her something special naturally shined bright.

One of my most memorable and simultaneously traumatic moments was when we both competed in a Beauty Pageant as kids. My sister won the Overall Photogenic trophy and I won third place in my division. But in my head, I lost. It was a disappointing crush to my ego and only solidified what I felt – I wasn’t good enough. I never feel good enough. I am not good enough.

As a kid, I stuck with dance because, yes, I loved it but also because I felt this was my something special. Mine. A part of me that no one could take.

Past. Present. Future?

What I experienced then and what I convinced myself that I moved on from, I’ve taken with me 37 years later. And although I no longer harbor feelings of jealousy, the aftereffects of striving high, being better, and competing against myself are efforts to prove my worth. They remain to this day. These qualities are the makeup of what makes me “Kim” today and are qualities that I now appreciate and fully embrace. They are no longer scars, but beauty marks.

I began my fitness journey through dance. My stamina in cardio was insanely high but I lacked physical strength. This year I decided to invest more on strength training.

Six months ago, I made the commitment to adopt strength training into my lifestyle, purely to do daily things easier. After about two months of consistent workouts, it became a habit. Shortly after I received compliments about my physique, tone, and workout ethic.

A coach first identified that I had the drive, later a competitive fitness pro suggested that I should compete, and then a few others began to say the same thing. Flattered, I still brushed it off because I couldn’t imagine or even dare think to step into the real-world realm of competitive fitness. I wasn’t good enough.

Some of you may know, some of you may not. But my sister also competed in bikini fitness a few years ago. She was amazing and I was so proud of her! Bodybuilding was her thing and mine was dance. It’s what made us different.

So, when bikini fitness competition came into play, I automatically thought “Nope, off limits. It’s not my thing. Dance is.”

One day I thought about it more and had a pep talk:

I enjoy health and fitness.
I appreciate the gainzzz I’m gaining.
I agree and know I have the burning drive.
The truth is, I am still traumatized by losing in the pageant.
I have held onto feeling less than far too long.
My experiences are mine.
Want more?
It must be earned, not given.
Break through.

A week later I entered to compete in my first Bikini Fitness Competition with Spectrum Fitness Productions at the Governor’s Cup in Sacramento, CA.

I trained for twelve weeks and kept it a secret, even to my sister. My stipulation was to experience the journey as a true beginner.

I told my sister a day before the show and felt a huge wave of support! Oh, the unconditional love.

For me, the competition wasn’t about placing. It was about DOING and going through with it. So many times in my life I have walked away and quit because I felt less than my worth.

And although I did not “win” in my division, I went through it and still placed – 6th. As a true novice, I didn’t do half bad. Afterall, I D.I.Y.’d (Do It Yourself) plenty of things:

• Makeup & Hair: Me
  • Using Sephora’s Glam Palette
  • Sephora’s Liquid Foundation
  • Natasha Denona’s Eye Palette
  • tarteist’s Lashes
  • Natasha Denona’s Nude Lipstick and Lipliner
  • Sephora Collection Gloss

• Tanning: DIY Pro Tan Official

• Competition Training: Coach Lee Pazmino
  • Supporting Training Research: Me

• Fitness Nutrition Plan & Research: Me

• Posing Research: Me

Lesson learned? If you don’t know, hire the pros!

I intentionally chose D.I.Y. for the learning experience, for added research, to be the study guinea pig test, to self-educate, to pop my own cherry, and to share with you the experience and what it takes to enter as a true beginner in competitive fitness.

I highly respect the sport of fitness competition and believe knowledge is limitless. The pros are there to support your goals, share knowledge, and to win! So, don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Finally, it feels great to believe what others have believed and seen in me all along. Something I’ve missed in all these 37 years.

Yes, I am worthy.
I am enough.
I have always been.
I am truly something special.

Thank you everyone for the support and outpour of love. I feel you! ❤

NEXT: EXPERIENCE – THE HOW

THE 12-WEEK JOURNEY
Stay tuned! I will be sharing the entire 12-week journey condensed into minutes shortly after this post.

If you’re interested in learning more about my process, have thoughts about it doing it too, questions, feedback, or if you simply want to share your own experience, I’d love to hear from you!